Galah-Free – Episode 1
The TURDIS hurtles towards Dr Poo’s home world of Galah-Free.
DANA: Doctor, why is your home planet called Galah-Free? Aren’t there any Galahs there?
DR POO: No, there are thousands of the buggers there, Dana, but they don’t cost anything, you see?
DANA: Oh. What’s the place like?
DR POO: Well, if you can imagine something like a cross between an aviary and a huge supermarket where you can walk in and pluck a Galah off the shelf and walk out again without paying for it, then that’s pretty much it.
Galah-Free – Episode 2
Before that over-rated old has-been Dr Poo departs this radio show forever, he invites, out of the kindergarten of his heart, Kevin, Denis and Dana around to the Poo house for a meal… Constance (actually played by a woman for a change) is furious. ‘She usually manages to knock something up – usually the visitors.’
DR POO: Now I wonder where she is?
DANA: Er, Doctor? You know how they say that behind every great man there stands a woman? Well…
DR POO: Argh, Constance!
[Slap]
Ow!
MRS POO: Don’t you Constance me. Where have you been? You should have been home centuries ago.
DR POO: Ah, yes –
MRS POO: Shut up.
[Slap]
DR POO: Ow, that hurt!
MRS POO: Don’t you raise your voice to me. And who’s this riff-raff you’ve dragged in?
DR POO: Well this is –
MRS POO: Shut up. And that’s enough of your back-talk.
Galah-Free – Episode 3
In the painful process of meeting Constance, Kevin finds himself hung up as the doorbell (‘now say Ding Dong… with feeling’) and sews Denis to the lawnmower (‘do the lawns. And keep your mouth open, we haven’t got a grass-catcher’). Dana gets to sit down and put her feet up.
DR POO: Constance darling, please stop hitting everybody… um… quite so much? We’re not doing anything.
MRS POO: Oh! Got nothing to do, have we? We’ll soon find jobs for you. Here, you: our doorbell’s busted.
KEVIN: I don’t know how to fix doorbells!
MRS POO: You’re not going to fix it, you’re going to be it.
Galah-Free – Episode 4
From his own uncomfortable viewing position, Kevin can see the emotional reunion between the Poos – which involves the Doctor being kicked repeatedly, then being sent down to the supermarket to get a pack of assorted Galahs for the Cosmic Women’s Association’s bridge party.
MRS POO: Come on Dana, let’s set the table. Lay a nice fork and spanner for everyone.
DANA: Um – desert spanners or soup spanners?
FELICITY: I’ve brought a plate!
MRS POO: Oh! Three-quarter reinforced steel! How thoughtful!
FELICITY: Just something I whipped up in the blast furnace!
DANA: I thought this was going to be a bridge party?
MRS POO: It is. Mavis will be along any moment with the box girders and mobile crane.
