Wild Cat Strike – Episode 1
Our frequency-modulated heroes, the Doctor of Poo and the Dana of Sock, besport and recreate themselves about the TURDIS. The Doctor gets Denis to come and fix the ant farm, the front door, the lightbulb in the fridge and the new golf course, and finally the cat fixes them some lunch: cockroaches, moths and dead mice (just like mother used to make).
DR POO: You spent the whole day changing the lightbulb in the fridge?
DENIS: Meow!
DR POO: You locked yourself in? Very clever. I thought you looked a bit bluer than usual. Well, get back to work. I don’t not pay you to sit around passing the time of day. Pass the time of day will you, Dana?
DANA: There y’are.
DR POO: Ta. Good grief, is it that late? Hop to it Denis, I want that new golf course ready by the time I’ve finished lunch. Um, would you care to play a round with me this afternoon, Dana…?
DANA: Oh, you pig of a man!
Wild Cat Strike – Episode 2
What’s this? Denis the denim cat is walking up and down outside the front gates of this episode holding a placard: Dr Poo Unfair to Denim Cats. It’s a lock-out, and everyone (except Poo) is on Denis’s side of the picket line.
DR POO: Now see here, Denis, and here, and over here; no, I don’t think he’ll need glasses, but that’s by-the-bifocals. Now Denis, I realise that these strikes are usually brought on by a radical hot-head faction, so I think it’d be a good idea if you held a secret ballot amongst yourself, to find out if you’re in favour of this disruptive industrial action.
DENIS: Reargh!
DR POO: Ah, you are the radical hot-head faction, I see. Well let me tell you here and now, Denis, I will not kow-tow to radio blackmail. Kevin, open this episode!
KEVIN: I’m no scab!
Wild Cat Strike – Episode 3
Due to industrial action, this episode is being replaced by a bus service. In the case of Dr Poo verses Denis the Denim Cat, the Time and Space Industrial Court finds in favour of Denis. ‘Listen here Dr Poo, as far as I’m concerned it’s quite straight-forward: I loathe and detest you intensely, so you could talk ‘til you’re blue in the face but I’ll still find against you.’
DR POO: I protest at this transvestite of justice!
JUDGE: What do you mean?
DR POO: You’re wearing a wig.
JUDGE: So? All judges wear wigs.
DR POO: But a bleached-blonde bouffant bee-hive with a tiara?
JUDGE: I leant the other one to a sailor.
DR POO: And you’re wearing a cocktail gown.
JUDGE: Right! That’s it! This industrial court now rules that all control over Dr Poo radio serial be vested in Denis the denim cat!
DR POO: No!
[Cheers]
KEVIN: Poo’s been caught with his pants down! Is his end in sight? Find out in the first episode of: Denis the Denim Cat!
[The episode ends with a meowed version of the usual Dr Poo theme]
Wild Cat Strike – Episode 4
Under new management! This radio serial is now under the enlightened feline administration of Denis the denim cat. Poo workers of the world unite! All hail to Denis!
DANA: Doctor, I haven’t seen much of you since Denis took over?
DR POO: I’ve been so busy, Dana. Do you know what Denis had me doing this morning? Cleaning out the bathroom with a toothbrush, wearing full pack and gas mask. What have you been doing?
DANA: Getting hit.
DR POO: I think all this power’s gone to his head, Dana.
DANA: You mean he’s wearing an electric hat?
DR POO: No, I mean –
KEVIN: Hey, you two, get back to work or I’ll tell the boss!
Wild Cat Strike – Episode 5
This episode finds El President Denis making a speech (in the style of a Nazi rally) before he presents the Doctor with the hideous prospect of returning home to face Mrs Poo, who thinks he’s been out doing the shopping for the last 200 years.
KEVIN: Dana, where’s our glorious leader?
DANA: He’s putting on his glorious, incorrectly-spelt leader uniform, Kevin. There you go Denis. Now, up you get.
KEVIN: He can’t stand up Dana, he’s got too many medals on his chest.
DENIS: Meow!
KEVIN: Sorry, mein furier.
