Felix Major – Episode 6
Kevin’s stupid doodling around (and series of rude gestures) leaves the front of this episode open to aerial bonking by steel-capped boots. He announces them into the nearest rubbish bin at once, the only place to hide on this planet.
DR POO: You see Dana, Denis’s planet is entirely covered with back fences and interspersed rubbish bins, with, er, the occasional hot tin roof.
DANA: Oh, what are they for?
DENIS: Meeeooow!
DR POO: Shut up, Denis.
DANA: Oh, I get it – they’re for playing vets and nurses, are they…?
DENIS: Eh eh eh!
Felix Major – Episode 7
If these wailing cats don’t shut up, Dr Poo is taking this whole planet to the vet. That should hold them for a while… no sweat, they’re all holding themselves, with worried looks on their faces.
DANA: Knock knock!
KEVIN: Who’s there, Dana?
DANA: Felix!
KEVIN: Felix who?
DANA: Felix-cited?
[Slap]
Ow!
KEVIN: No, Dana’s wrong again, it’s Felix Major!
DR POO: Dunnies above, but Kevin gets on my goat sometimes.
DANA: Why?
DR POO: Because my goat is shorter than a horse and cheaper than the bus. What a stupid question.
Felix Major – Episode 8
This affair of the boots has nothing at all to do with Dr Poo – except when one of them hits him on the head. He is basically a soft-headed person, and decides to help their planet, so Dana has to keep them all quiet while he chases after this marauding boot-hurler. He leaves her with his Ludo set. And, as there’s 30,000,000 of them, his Monopoly.
DR POO: No Denis, you’re not having my Scrabble set, because you keep eating all the O’s!
KEVIN: That’s right, and that’s why there’s a funny end t’ this epis’de ‘f D’ct’r P’!
Felix Major – Episode 9
The Doctor and Denis hop to the planet next door. Dana sends all the cats to stand in the corner after they naughtily rush round the Monopoly board, causing the biggest single mass of cats since the Time and Space Choral Society tried to put on an all-cat production of Ben Hur in the local church hall.
DR POO: I will take along Denis.
DANA: I’m sorry Doctor, but this is the only size Denis we’ve got.
DR POO: Well stretch him a bit will you, I’m in a hurry.
DENIS: Meow!
DANA: There you go, one long Denis to go. Mustard?
DR POO: Just a touch.
DANA: Dab, dab, dab.
DR POO: Thanks. Now don’t worry Dana, we’ll be back shortly.
DANA: Shortly? That was a waste of time me stretching him, wasn’t it?
Felix Major – Episode 10
The Doctor can’t find the front door of the planet next door, so flies the TURDIS in through the window. He steps on someone’s toes… their many toes!
DR POO: Now Denis, if the people on this planet are the ones who’ve been throwing boots at your home world, it’d be best if they didn’t know straight away that you were a cat.
DENIS: Meow.
DR POO: So put on this rabbi outfit ‘til the kosher’s clear.
DENIS: Mew!
DR POO: That’s good Denis, except the beard is usually worn a bit higher than that.
DENIS: Meow?
DR POO: No, all the way up to the face.
MR THING: What the hell do you think you’re doing here?
DR POO: Um, nicely put. Well I was just, you know, cruising around this neighbourhood, with my friend here the rabbit…
DENIS: Meow!
DR POO: I mean, the rabbi…
MR THING: He ain’t a rabbi.
DR POO: What?
MR THING: He’s too tall to be a rabbi!
DR POO: Er… he’s on a ladder.
