Revolution in Dubbo – Episode 13
OK Poo fans, make yourself comfortable and look carefully at this eye-chart I’m holding up in front of you. Right, read the top line, please. The top line. Oh, the top line of the chart I’m holding up in front of you! Good Bernie Smith, you’re all as blind as a boat. No, I said ‘boat’, not ‘bat’, what are you, deaf as well as blind? Oh you are? Oh, oh, I am sorry, but we don’t get many deaf people listening to this show…
Dr Poo deftly (that is, for the deaf people) sets the scene, before Dickens and Dana have an argument in front of the mob.
CHARLES: Stand back you unruly revolutionary mob! I, Charles Dickens, the fabulously-successful-but-somewhat-mis-placed-in-time-19th-Century-English-novelist, command it!
DANA: You tell ‘em, Chuck!
CHARLES: Don’t call me ‘chuck’.
DANA: Sorry, Chikka.
CHARLES: What?
DANA: ‘Chikka’. Chikka Tikka. Sounds-like!
CHARLES: How dare you use that familiar tone with me!
DANA: You should talk. Standing there in your bath towel.
Revolution in Dubbo – Episode 14
Mr Robespierre takes Charles Dickens and Dana to the Dubbo showground to play a major part in the wood chop event. Denis stops the motorbike suddenly (leaving the Doctor’s clothes and most of his body hair hurtling down the motorway) and finds skateboard tracks leading them after Marky.
CHARLES: By Jove, these Dubbo peasants are going to chop our heads off!
DANA: Ha! Don’t be silly. They wouldn’t chop my head off. I’m an immensely popular major radio star. They would chop your head off, though.
CHARLES: But I’m Charles Dickens, the great novelist!
DANA: Get off the grass. In this show you’re just an incidental character, mate.
This episode was followed by an announcement from Kevin (‘from that dumbo radio serial, Dr Poo’) giving the Dr Poo fan club address and advising that you’ll have to wait to receive your ‘stupid Dr Poo junk’ as there is a backlog. ‘If you get bored, why don’t you start an ant farm? Everyone else has.’
Revolution in Dubbo – Episode 15
The skateboard tracks lead to a dark, forbidding wheat silo. In Dubbo everyone is au natural for a big nude parade.
KEVIN: Naked in Dubbo! A completely nude version of the French Revolution with an all-starkers cast including Dr Poo as Dr Poo but nude; Dana Sock as the in-the-altogether but not all-together together Dana Sock; Denis the denim cat as the peeping tom; Frank Robespierre as the rebel without his drawers; that enfant terrible Marky de Sade and his little dried up frog as themselves, but without any clothes on; and Charles Dickens as the nervous novelist, clad in his bath towel. But we’ll soon take care of him.
CHARLES: Good lord, I’m nude!
DANA: Well so is everyone else. But I think it’s a silly idea. What’s the point of us all doing rudey nudies when the listeners can’t see us? Everyone’s just pandering to those with smutty ears.
KEVIN: And out on the highway the doctor and Denis are – ah – are not here! Great bums in heaven, they must have been picked up by the fuzz for indecent exposure of the parts they play on Dr Poo-oooooo!
Revolution in Dubbo – Episode 16
Denis scales the wheat silo (don’t try climbing up the inside of the silo, that would be going against the grain!) like a mountain fish; the Doctor can’t go, he’s expecting a food parcel. There’s dancing and music in the Bovarian town of Dubbo, and the Nigerian town of Dubbo – just two of the exciting Dubbos you’ll see in our fabulous new series, Great Dubbos of the World – but back in the extremely unmusical Australian Dubbo, this is it for Dana and Dickens.
KEVIN: the Doctor and Denis stand at the foot of a sinister wheat silo
DR POO: What a sinister foot this wheat silo has! gasp It’s got a nose!
DENIS: Meow!
DR POO: Yes, no wonder it smells!
Revolution in Dubbo – Episode 17
A twenty-foot long, fur-covered trout with false teeth and clogs? I’ve never heard anything like it! And you’ll never hear anything like it in this episode, where the citizens of the French Revolution sentence Dana and Dickens. In the wheat silo, Marky de Sade shouts out: ‘If you wanna get this dried frog, it’ll be over my dead body!’ – so Denis machine-guns him, captures the frog and jumps back down, landing on Dr Poo. ‘You’re supposed to land on your feet, not mine! Oh, ow, my corns, my barleys, my oats and my wheat! Sorry for that crop of rye remarks, Denis, but after all this is a cereal you know.’
ROBESPIERRE: Citizens of Revolution in Dubbo, you see before you here – but much later than you smell – two members of the upper class arab stock race team.
CITIZENS: Boo! Hiss!
ROBESPIERRE: What is your verdict, life or death?
CITIZEN: Infinity!
ROBESPIERRE: Shut up, Vince.
