Revolution in Dubbo – Episode 6
The Doctor and Dana find themselves, which is all right by me because I’ve got better things to do than go looking for them, at the head of a revolutionary mob, led by Frank Robespierre, head of the Dubbo and Western Plains French revolution Co-op.
SANS-CULOTTE: Speak oh citizen Frank mate pal!
ROBESPIERRE: All right citizens, I’ll be Frank! Haha. But seriously citizens, the time has come for us to seize our rights as human beings. Give us liberty – or give us Darth Vader masks!
SANS-CULOTTE: I want a Wookie suit!
ROBESPIERRE: All right – and Wookie suits!
DR POO: This mob is turning ugly, Dana.
DANA: Wait’ll they put their Wookie suits on. Yuck!
DR POO: C’mon Dana, let’s clear off!
ROBESPIERRE: Oi citizens, where do you think you’re going, bewdy bottler bonzer?
DR POO: Just taking the cat for a jog.
ROBESPIERRE: I’ve heard that one before.
DR POO: No, no – look, he’s wearing his Le Cat Sportif tracksuit and his ladidadas running shoes.
DENIS: Meow!
ROBESPIERRE: All right, but hurry back. Or you’ll miss out on the storming of the bus terminal. Citizens – to the bus terminal!
[La Marseillaise is playing]
DANA: Wow, if this French Revolution takes off, it could really put Dubbo on the map!
DENIS: Meow!
DANA: Yeah, Denis, ads in all the railway carriages: “Visit the Dubbo and Western Plains French Revolution. Bring the whole family! Children under five beheaded free.”
DR POO: Look, Dana, the social and economic benefits aside, Dubbo’s got no right to the French Revolution. It’s not theirs. We’re going to the highest authority in this town and demand they give it back this instant coffee!
DANA: Tea!
DR POO: Bonox!
DANA: Same to you!
DR POO: Ah this must be the place, the Palace of Versailles Hotel, right! I say, has anybody here seen King Louis XVI?
KEVIN: No, but I saw King Philip of Spain in the Ladies Lounge, reading the form guide and putting a bit each way on Doctor Poo!
Revolution in Dubbo – Episode 7
Poo peasants! Feeling a breast, a priest, oppressed? Crushed under the fish, fart, fist of the ruling classes? Come to beautiful revolutionary Dubbo. For liberty, equality and a chance to throw peanuts to the sheep, come to –
Kevin, stop this wild irresponsible advertising! The Health Commission and I are trying to close this damn revolution down. That’s why Dana and I are here in Dubbo, at the Palace of Versailles Hotel, looking for Louis King.
BARMAN: Ah no mate, nobody here of that name.
DANA: I’ll have a shandy, thanks.
DR POO: Shut up Dana. Well, who’s in charge of this town?
BARMAN: You want that bloke over there. He’s the mayor and the head of the chamber of commerce. His name’s Louis King.
DR POO/DANA: What?
DENIS: Meow?
BARMAN: Is that a cat you’ve got there?
DR POO: Oh, him!
DANA: Oh, him!
DENIS: Meow, meow!
BARMAN: Well he can’t stay in here, he’ll have to go to the Cat’s Bar.
DANA: Come on Denis, come wiz me to ze Cat’s Bar. Boom boom!
DR POO: Boom boom!
DENIS: Meow, meow!
DR POO: While I go and talk to this Louis King chap. Umm, excuse me, umm sorry … ah Mr King?
KING: No I’m Mr King, you’re a complete stranger.
DR POO: Ah, good. Mr King, are you a werewolf, I’m sorry aware, that the French Revolution is raging through your town?
KING: Ah, city!
DR POO: Pardon?
KING: City!
DR POO: All right-ee, don’t mind if I do-ee. Ah, yes-ee, much more comfy wumfy. Now are you aware that the French Revolution is raging through your town?
KING: CITY!
DR POO: What? But me already sit-ee. Me can’t sit-ee twice, me have to stand-ee up between sit-ees!
KING: Well you should’ve booked a seat then!
DR POO: Oh shut up you ignorant burke!
KING: No, not Bourke, Dubbo!
DR POO: All right, you ignorant Dubbo!
KEVIN: Me not ignorant Dubbo, me know lots about Dubbo. But me know nothing about next episode of Dr Doo, eh, Foo, eh Poo!
Revolution in Dubbo – Episode 8
Hey Poo fans / Don’t be afraid / You can play ping pong / In a tub of batter / Remember the shark is a kind of sheep / But it’s harder to keep / And a hell of a lot fatter fatter fatter fatter …
DR POO: KEVIN!
KEVIN: Sorry Doctor, I was just rehearsing for my reunion with the other Beatles.
DR POO: You were never a member of the Beatles.
KEVIN: If the French Revolution can be in Dubbo, I can be a Beatle!
DR POO: Oh Kevin, get out of here before I tread on you! … Mr King.
KING: Call me Louis.
DR POO: Mr King, as mayor of Dubbo surely you must be concerned at the revolutionary mobs in your streets?
KING: Let them eat wheat.
DR POO: Don’t you mean cake?
KING: Oh no, we don’t produce that here, we just produce the raw materials. Dubbo is the capital of the wheat and shark belt, you know.
DANA: Sharks? Don’t you mean sheep?
KING: Well, the shark is a kind of a sheep, only it’s harder to keep – and a hell of a lot fatter fatter FATTER!
DR POO: All right!
KING: Look mate, it’s been lovely talking to you but I’ve got to do a thing that’s far far better than anything I’ve ever done before.
DANA: What’s that?
KING: Get me head cut off.
DANA: Oh, that’s not much chop!
KING: Whoa!
DR POO: Dana!
DANA: Sorry, I mean there must be something better you could do, like have a night on the town, really let your head go!
KING: Waaah!
DR POO: Dana!
DANA: Oh dear, I didn’t think he’d get so cut up about it!
DR POO: Leaping lavatories Dana, must you be such a pain in the neck! Oh dear I am sorry!
[Revolutionaries kick down pub door]
ROBESPIERRE: There he is!
SANS-CULOTTE: Where?
ROBESPIERRE: By the bar – grab him!
SANS-CULOTTE: Grab him by the bar?!
ROBESPIERRE: Come on!
DANA: Aaaah!
ROBESPIERRE: Not her, him!
DR POO: Put me down!
ROBESPIERRE: Any last requests?
DR POO: Yes, chop HIS head off!
ROBESPIERRE: Right, start the chainsaw.
[CHAINSAW ROARS]
DANA: Ewwwww!
DENIS: Meow!
DR POO: What an awful way to die!
KEVIN: Not really, the alternative was to ringbark him, and that takes hours. But it’s nowhere near as painful as an episode of Dr Poo!
