The CackRonald Affair – Episode x14
What’s the Mata Hari? I know. You’re worried sick about our dear dumb Dana, spy extraordinaire, who, disguised as mild mannered Donald CackRonald robot clown 867, is on the evil planet Cack…
DANA: Oh gee! You’re sure got to be fit to be a spy nowadays. It’s a good thing Denis jogs round the TURDIS every morning for me. Otherwise, those robot clowns would have caught me already.
ROBOT CLOWN: Do not move 867. I have caught you already.
DANA: That’s what you think tin head. Cop this!
[The clown is beaten to a pulp]
ROBOT CLOWN: Eeeeeeh!
DANA: Ha! What a load of cheap junk.
As Dana entertains her little automated playmates, back on one of the CackRonalds subsidiary planets, the Dr organises a real clown troupe.
POO: Clowns. I’ve calculated that we can short circuit those cybernetic jesters by squirting water up their big red noses.
CLOWNS: Aw, good, yeah.
DENIS: Meow, meow!
POO: Denis, what’s happened?
DENIS: Meow!
POO: A message from Dana. What is it?
DENIS: Meow.
POO: What do you mean, there’s postage to pay?
The CackRonald Affair – Episode x15
Mean whale, or perhaps a miserly porpoise, in the TURDIS the Doctor and his band of real clowns are racing against the clock.
POO: Come on you damn clock, run! You’re no fun to race against at all, you slob of a clock. All you do is sit there and say tick, tock.
BOOZO: Yeah, at least you could say hickory, dickory, Doc.
POO: Oh shut up Boozo, you stupid clown, and tell Grotto to stop doing back flips on to the vidi screen. I can’t see where the TURDIS is going. Look Pinko, call your clowns to order will you or I’ll send you all to bed without your custard pies.
PINKO: Alright brother clowns, fair suck of the circus. Hey Wanko, give it a rest mate. You’re making a mess on the control panel.
WANKO: Sorry, just cleaning out my horn.
PINKO: Righto Doc, you now have our complete and undivided big top.
POO: What?
PINKO: A tent show.
POO: Don’t you mean attention?
[Clowns fall in]
That’s more like it.
The CackRonald Affair – Episode x16
PINKO: Tell me, comrade Dr. Why are you worried about your beautiful assistant?
POO: I’m not really all that concerned about her, Pinko. I’m just trying to get this damn plot moving.
PINKO: Yeah, this adventure does seem to have settled in for the winter, doesn’t it?
POO: Well, I suspect that whoever is behind this evil CackRonalds business is consciously retarding the plot; probably by drugging the tape recorders and paying off the writers; or paying off the tape recorders and drugging the writers.
WACKO: How about drugging some of the characters, man.
PINKO: Aw, shut up Wacko.
POO: But the fact Ramones, that nothing much has happened for the last few…
KEVIN: All right, you want action, you’ve got it!
In a split second, they’ve landed on the evil planet Cack.
[The TURDIS lands]
Where the Dr and the clowns join Dana in destroying an entire army of robotic CackRonalds clowns.
[Sounds of mass destruction]
DANA: Hey, I didn’t think I was in this episode!
POO: What is going on?
KEVIN: When suddenly a monstrous blood thirsty sweet potato hurtles out of the ground and devours all the nice real clowns.
PINKO: Hang on!
[Bloodthirsty roar from the sweet potato]
KEVIN: But at that very moment, a huge fleet of battle cruisers zooms in out of the sun and obliterates the entire planet Cack with mega-lasers.
[Sound of lasers, then planet blows up]
But luckily the Doctor, Dana and Denis escape in the nick of time and also in the TURDIS.
POO: Oh!
DENIS: Meow!
POO: Well that was a bit of a surprise, that adventure finishing like that.
DANA: Ah yes. Mmmm. What will we do now?
POO: Have lunch I suppose. Mmmm. These mega-lasers sure cook a mean sweet potato.
