The CackRonalds Affair – Episode x10
PINKO: Clowns of the universe unite! You have nothing to lose but the bearded lady’s telephone number!
BOOZO: Brother Pinko.
PINKO: What is it brother Boozo?
BOOZO: I’ve got this Doctor bloke here, who says he can help us.
POO: That’s right. I believe I, Dr Poo, can aid you in your struggle.
PINKO: Then you may take the chair, comrade.
POO: Thank you.
[He falls over]
Ow, oooo, ow!
[The clowns laugh]
That’s not funny. A person could hurt himself.
PINKO: It’s a trick chair. What’s the matter? Don’t you know how to fall properly?
The clowns turn on Dr Poo, deciding that he’s a spy sent to infiltrate their movement. “No I’m not. I’m one of you! I come from a real working clown background. I was cacked on by an elephant when I was only three…”
The CackRonald Affair – Episode x11
POO: I have irrefootball proof that I’m a true comrade of the working clown. Down with these trousers.
CLOWNS: Ooo!
POO: Yes, you may well go Ooo. For these long spiral underpants were given to me by none other than that great clown, Punch Up himself.
PINKO: He’s right. Feel how funny the texture is.
Elsewhere on the burger planet, Dana is working undercover as a CackRonald Clown.
DANA: Are you alright down there in my baggy pants, Denis?
DENIS: Meow.
DANA: Oh, alright. Hop out.
DENIS: Meow!
DANA: And I’ll put you… um… under my orange wig.
DENIS: Meow! Purr, purr…
DANA: That tickles, Denis! Here comes a robot clown!
CACKRONALD: Hello, Donald 867. Tell me, why is your big red nose up there on your forehead?
DANA: Um, oh, yeah. It was feeling itchy, Donald number…?
CACKRONALD: But we robots do not have the itch function. Your circuits are in error. I will remove your head and fix it for you.
The CackRonald Affair – Episode x12
Hello, Poo fans. This is an unexploded World War II episode of Dr Poo. Do not poke with a stick or use in games of cricket, or games of cricket. Call in a highly trained bomb disposal team that will poke it with their professional stick and use it in games of cricket, but not in games of cricket.
SERGEANT: Hello, Sergeant McDucksarkcutty here, from the Queens Left Foot Guard Bomb DisOvalteen. This Dr Poo bomb is lodged in the fork of a very McCheap hotel but all I have to McDoo is put on my cricket protector, take my professional bomb poking stick and McPoke the bomb here…
[Huge explosion]
Oh what a shame, and that was such an exciting episode too, Poo fans. Ho hum. I guess we’ll just have to go straight on to tomorrow’s episode, in which Dana is working under cupboard as a Donald CackRonald robot clown.
CACKRONALD: Oh my my, Donald 867. You have serious malfunction. We will send you back to our head planet Cack for rewiring.
DANA: But the Doctor told me to… um… I mean, I must go to where the hamburgers are made.
CACKRONALD: But you know that all our CackRonalds food comes to this outlet planet through the cosmo chute.
DANA: Oh yeah. I forgot.
CACKRONALD: Come with me. Climb into the cosmo chute despatch chamber.
DANA: Um, wait a tick. (Psst… Denis? Go tell the Doctor what’s happening!)
CACKRONALD: Prepare for despatch… Ignition!
The CackRonald Affair – Episode x13
Dr Poo, known to one and all as top dog of the toot, is at war with an evil force that threatens to take over the universe. While he is organising his clown commandos, Dana is zapping down a cosmo chute towards the evil planet Cack.
DANA: Ooah! Where am I? Ah, here’s a tourist information board. ‘The Cack Chamber of Commerce welcomes you to the evil planet Cack.’ Um, how nice. And here’s a map. ‘Dana Sock is here’? Oh good. ‘Evil cack headquarters are here’? Oh that’s just round the corner. I’ll drop in and ask them if there are any places of interest I should see. I am a spy after all.
[A siren sounds]
LOUDSPEAKER: Attention, Donald CackRonald clown 867 –
DANA: Oh, that’s me!
LOUDSPEAKER: – computer scan indicates you have circuitry malfunction. Please remove your head.
DANA: Um, I’d rather not. I’m a bit spy, um shy.
LOUDSPEAKER: Invalid answer. Embarrassment response indicates deterioration beyond acceptable limits. Warning, all units seek and destroy robot clown 867.
DANA: Um, wait a minute!
KEVIN: Sorry, Dana, times up. And you’ve given the robots the wrong answer. Which means you’ll be obliterated in the next cybernetic execution on Dr Poo!
