Universal Administration – Episode x2
Our hero is saved from his hanging by God, who suddenly appears in the crowd.
GOD: Dr Poo.
TERRY: Hey, it’s Bernie Smith.
POO: No it’s not. It’s God.
TERRY: Funny, he looks a lot like Bernie Smith. Anyone ever tell you,you look a lot like Bernie Smith?
GOD: All the time. Dr Poo.
POO: Yes, Lord?
GOD: I want to see you in my office in half an hour.
TERRY: Hang on, we are just about to hang him.
GOD: Shut up or I’ll turn you into a beach towel.
TERRY: But I didn’t say…
[God turns him into a beach towel. Crowd impressed and claps]
CROWD: Very nice, very nice.
Universal Administration – Episode x3
Dr Poo tries to get directions to God’s office in the tangled bureaucracy of the Universal Administration.
TYPIST 1: I don’t think we’ve got a Mr Cod here. Gladys, do you know a Mr Cod?
TYPIST 2: Who?
TYPIST 1: Mr Cod.
TYPIST 2: Mr Cod?
POO: No, the name’s God.
TYPIST 1: Cod?
TYPIST 2: There’s a Mr Mullet down in pricing.
TYPIST 1: Oh, that might be him. I’ll ring personnel for you.
POO: Listen, I want Mr God.
TYPIST 1: Hello, personnel? Do you know where Mr Mullet is now? He is in pricing. Thank you very much. Mr Mullet is in pricing and you go down…
POO: I don’t want to see Mr Mullet.
TYPIST 1: Oh that’s alright. There’ll be somebody in pricing who can help you.
Universal Administration – Episode x4
The Dr is getting nowhere.
MULLETT: I just had a call earlier from personnel. They said there was someone up here looking for Mr Mullet from pricing.
POO: I don’t want to see Mr Mullet from pricing.
MULLETT: Oh well that’s alright because I’ve been transferred to accounts. So either you want to see me, Mr Mullet or you want to see the fella whose taken my job in pricing, Mr Fig.
POO: Stuff Mr Fig.
BEAUTWOPPER: Ah for that you want Mr Turkey in stuffing.
Universal Administration – Episode x5
Else the Universal Tea Lady appears and finally directs Dr Poo towards God (“Oh yes, you mean Mr white, two sugars, three iced vo vo’s”).
ELSE: Tea’s up.
POO: Where?
ELSE: Up on the shelf. See the tea urn up there.
POO: Yes. What’s it doing up there?
ELSE: It’s a case of higher urnings! Boom boom.
[He hits her]
Ow!
POO: Oh sorry! Do forgive me. It was just a reflex action. For a second there I thought you were my stupid beautiful assistant.
ELSE: I understand. I used to be a stupid beautiful assistant in my younger days.
GOD: What Else?
ELSE: Nothing else, just hello.
GOD: No, I mean, what do you want Else?
ELSE: I don’t want anything else. But this bloke does.
GOD: Who Else?
ELSE: Nobody else. Just this bloke here.
GOD: Where Else?
ELSE: No bloody where else.
KEVIN: They’re certainly getting a lot of mileage out of this joke.
GOD: Who’s that?
ELSE: Oh there is somebody else here.
KEVIN: I’m Kevin the announcer. I’m here to announce the end of this episode.
GOD: Oh no you don’t. I’m God. This is my office and I’m going to lean back in my swivel chair and shout Dr Poo!
The following week – which is missing from our recordings – featured God giving Dr Poo a mission, and sending him on his way…
