This episode has been transcribed from an internal ABC tape of representative Dr Poo episodes.
Episode 273
Dr Poo on Trial (cont)
In the infinite corridors of time and space, here at the “Hi Mum, I’ll be late home for dinner” Court; The Dr Poo trial has moved in to its fifth day and is waiting for its furniture to arrive.
USHER: The Cosmos Justices are about to enter. All rise. Got you first time. I didn’t say “Simon says”.
ATTENDEES: Groan.
JUDGE: Be seated. O all right. Simon says be seated. Mr Gonzales, call your next witness for the prosecution.
GONZALES: I’d like to call Mr Joseph Shoelace an idiot.
USHER: Mr Joseph Shoelace is an idiot.
ATTENDEE: Mr Joseph Shoelace is an idiot.
ATTENDEE: Mr Joseph Shoelace is an idiot.
SHOELACE: Mr Joseph Shoelace is an idiot. Hold on, I’m Joseph Shoelace.
GONZALES: Mr Shoelace, place your hand in this boot and repeat after me.
SHOELACE: After me.
GONZALES: No.
SHOELACE: No.
GONZALES: That’s not what I meant.
SHOELACE: That’s not what I meant.
(Gonzales hits Shoelace)
GONZALES: Mr Shoelace, are you an idiot?
SHOELACE: I wouldn’t like to say.
GONZALES: Why not?
SHOELACE: I don’t understand the question.
GONZALES: Mr Shoelace!
SHOELACE: Where?
GONZALES: Shut up! What is your present occupation?
SHOELACE: I’m a freelance hat watcher. I use to be a nuclear physicist but after listening to Dr Poo for a year, the only job I can do is watching hats.
(Crowd murmurs)
GONZALES: Your witness.
DR POO: Mr Shoelace, I put it to you that you are no more an idiot than I am. I put it to you that you understand Einstein’s theory of relativity.
SHOELACE: The special or the general theory. Woops!
DR POO: Ah ha.
(Crowd murmurs)
SHOELACE: Well only the basic equations. You see I watched a physicist’s hat once.
DR POO: I submit that you are in fact, Joseph Von Shoelace, author of this scientific paper on how to convert whales into nuclear fuel.
CROWD: Ooh.
SHOELACE: All right. I confess. I’m brilliant but I didn’t mean to be.
DR POO: And!
SHOELACE: And it was all lies and I said that I’d been contaminated by listening to episodes of Dr Poo-oo!
