This episode has been transcribed from an internal ABC tape of representative Dr Poo episodes.
Episode 255
The New TURDIS
<blockquote><i>(Sound of Kevin sucking a cloth)</i><br>KEVIN: Oh sorry Poo connoisseurs. I’m just sucking my wettex full of dirty champagne, left over from the little soiree we had in celebration of the launching of the Doctor’s new TURDIS.
DR POO: (He is drunk and starts singing to the tune “I get a kick out of you” by Cole Porter)
“I got the cats from champagne,
Mere alcohol makes me chuck down the drain…”
This new TURDIS is a little beauny. Goes like a bus of epileptics.
DENIS: Meow, hic, meow.
DR POO: What’s that Denis?
DENIS: Meow.
DR POO: Yeah, let’s bugger into the old inter-stellar overdrive, eh.
DANA: Doctor, you’re weaving all over the cosmos.
DR POO: What’s the matter Dana, afraid of a bit of speed?
DENIS: Meow, meow. (Blows raspberries and pokes out tongue)
DANA: Denis, stop abusing the universe and wind up that window. You’ll have the police on us.
DR POO: Don’t be a wet muddy stick in the blanket, Dana. We’re just having a little harmless fun. Anyhow, the cosmos fuzz will never catch my little machine.
(Sound of police sirens)
DANA: There Doctor, I told you so.
DR POO: You didn’t tell me to sew, Dana, you told me not to weave. But you didn’t tell me to sew. Ah ha ha.
DANA: What are we going to do?
DR POO: Well the Moon is coming up on the right; I’ll duck behind it until they go past.
(Sound of TURDIS landing)
That fooled them. Come on, let’s have a look outside.
(Sound of ducks quacking)
Well splash me boots, we’ve landed on the duck side of the Moon!
KEVIN: Well gang, we’ve arrived on the duck side of the Moon thanks to the drunk side of Dr Poo-oo!
