These 2 episodes are taken from a longer storyline featuring Dr Poo in Ancient Egypt. They have been transcribed from an internal ABC tape of representative Dr Poo episodes.
Episode 172
Dr Poo in Ancient Egypt
Hey gang, isn’t it amazing, the things you pick up when you’re flying around the universe in an intergalactic toilet. At this precise moment the Doctor is showing Dana his fantastic memorabilia.
DANA: What’s that thing you’ve got Doctor?
DR POO: O this old thing; I’ve had this for years. Beautiful isn’t it.
DANA: Yes but what is it?
DR POO: I don’t know. I may as well throw it away, eh? (Sound of flapping wings) Well splash my boots, the damn thing flies.
DANA: Don’t worry Doctor, I’ll get it. Where did you get all this junk, Doctor?
DR POO: Well Dana, some of it comes from grateful peoples of many divine civilizations.
DANA: O you mean this little jewel encrusted gold statue for instance.
DR POO: No Dana. I won that in a lucky dip on the Sodom and Gomorrah school fete.
DANA: And you kept it for sentimental reasons.
DR POO: No I kept it because it’s worth a fortune but most of these other trinkets can go.
DANA: How about the lizard, Doctor?
DR POO: I’m ignoring that lizard, Dana.
DANA: Why?
DR POO: Because he is ignoring me. He hasn’t said a single thing to me all day.
DANA: But Doctor, lizards can’t talk.
DR POO: What! Look at me lizard. Is this true? You deceitful reptile. You’ve led me a merry dance; haven’t you? Denis, remove the lizard.
DENIS: Meow, yum yum.
DR POO: Well that’s cleared that up. Now I’ll put this bug out for the St Vincent De Polecat Society and I think that will just about do us. What do you say Dana?
DANA: Ah Egypt. It’s written on the bottle of flies.
DR POO: Let me see Dana. This bottle of flies always remains the property of CJ Ramasses & Company. Reedbed No 3. Upper Nile Street, Ancient Egypt. (Sound of flies buzzing) Holy harpic, these flies are still alive. I’ll take them back and get the deposit. All cisterns go!
KEVIN: Wave to your mummy, kiss your dung beetle goodbye and say hello Egypt as we fly into the next deposit of Dr Poo-oo!
Episode 175
Dr Poo in Ancient Egypt (cont)
Wow wee Poo people, have we got a surprise for you. Ah what? We haven’t got a surprise for them? O well gang, it seems we haven’t got a surprise for you so it’s on with the episode.
(Egyptian music)
DR POO: When we meet the Pharaoh, Dana, I’m afraid you will have to cover your face with an ox.
DANA: Who says?
DR POO: It is written Dana.
DANA: Where’s it written? I don’t believe it.
DR POO: Hold on, here’s my pad. O could I borrow your pen Dana? (The Doctor writes on the paper)
DANA: And yea verily Dana shall cover her face with an ox. All right but what about you, Doctor?
DR POO: The Egyptians think that I am their great god TwoTonPooMan. When the Pharaoh is in my presence he has to cover his face with a caterpillar.
OFFICIAL: All hail and a bit of sleet, a tall man with a funny hat enters. (Mexican music)
PHARAOH: Thank you, thank you. And now for my next trick, I’m going to have an audience with great god TwoTonPooMan. (The crowd applauds)
DR POO: It’s him, Dana. This tall man with the funny hat is the Pharaoh.
DANA: O dear. (Dana struggles to put on the ox)
DR POO: Shut up, Dana. Hail O Pharaoh!
PHARAOH: All hail O mighty god TwoTonPooMan.
DR POO: All right, where’s the caterpillar?
PHARAOH: What caterpillar?
DR POO: It is written that in my presence, the Pharaoh shall cover his face with a caterpillar.
PHARAOH: Where’s it written?
(The Doctor scribbles on some paper)
DR POO: There!
PHARAOH: Oh. Hey, any of you priests got a caterpillar on you?
PRIEST: Here, have one of mine.
PHARAOH: Oo tah. How’s that your godliness?
DR POO: You’re holding it the wrong way and your eyes are too close together and another thing…
KEVIN: What a way to speak to a Pharaoh. Looks like Poo’s new found deity has gone to his head. And it looks like his head has gone to the next caterpillar segment of Dr Poo-oo!
