The Universe is Big – The Millennium Effect

Dr Poo and the Psychic Koala’s:
The Universe is Big
12″ Mini-Album, 1985
Chase Custom Records CLP7

SIDE 1
1. Introduckshin
2. Dr Poo is a Wonderful Guy
3. Cat on a Hot Tin Riff

SIDE 2
1. People Say I’m Stupid (Dana’s Theme)
2. The Universe is Big

“I first met the guys in about 1978,” composer Criston Barker told us in 2008. “I had recently moved to Sydney looking for work as a bass player and was invited to share a house with a bunch of friends of my younger brother” – one of whom was Lance Curtis. “Their employ at JJJ was almost out of time as the station was moving in a new direction, so I suggested that the best send off would be an album and eveyone immediately jumped in on the idea. I approached a label manager I knew at the time and convinced him that due to their huge following thousands of albums would be sold. Of course he didn’t believe me but he thought it was a worthy enough project so he jumped on board as well.” That manager was Sebastion Chase, now one of the biggest record distributers in Australia.

“I had just joined a band called Air Supply who were also making an album called Lost In Love which ended up selling about 25 million albums around the world, so we had to record the Poo album in between those sessions. We were very fortunate to have hired an English recording engineer for the Poo sessions who had done his internship at Abbey Road and we were probably his first Australia session after arriving in the land of OZ. His name of course was Steve Bywater. We must have totally freaked him out because I haven’t heard or seen him since…”

The album was recorded and mixed over three nights which equated to about 24 hrs studio time in total – a very fast turnaround indeed. (“Ahh those were the days!”) The Introduckshin was a short speech by Kevin the announcer, set to appropriately dramatic chords and in full echoey stereo – a novelty for those who had been listening to the muffly, mono radio shows! Track 2, Dr Poo is a Wonderful Guy, was described by one contemporary reviewer as a “merry jig”, and is very much in the style of Monty Python’s (or indeed any old English pantomime’s) songs. Cat On a Hot Tin Riff gave the meowing Denis a duet with an electric guitar: a match made in radio heaven, and a sound that has to be heard to be believed! People Say I’m Stupid, a Spanish Flamenco, had a male chorus echoing and responding to the wonderfully empty headed Dana, and the album rounded off with a grand symphonic track (taking the mickey out of prog-rock album finales) with lyrics no more poetic than the title.

Producer: Criston Barker
Vocals: Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso & Steve Johnson
Guitars: Dennis Wilson
Bass: Criston Barker
Keyboards: Steve Doran
Vocals: All Ward, Dan Johnson, Jaqui Reeve, Ken Matthews
Engineer: Steve Bywater
Lyrics by Lance Curtis, Geoff Kelso, Steve Johnson, & Ken Matthews
Music Composed by Criston Barker.
Muchos Gracios to everyone involved especially Criston Barker & Sebastion Chase.
Thanks for being so patient with us Psychic Koala’s.
Cover Design by Russell Barker
This record is dedicated to Lance Curtis who died on June the 9th 1985.
From 1979 to 1981 Lance played the character of “Dr Poo” in the 2JJJ serial of the same name.
Recorded at Trafalgar Studios Annandale NSW Australia 1981.

Recently Criston Barker has established his own website and MySpace page – the latter featuring mention of the Dr Poo record as well as a downloadable version of ‘The Universe is Big’! Criston has kindly allowed us to host the track here, too – you play or download the track from the widget below.

theuniverseisbig Click to listen

Press review by Tony Cooke.

The Universe is Big
This song is sung by Kevin the Announcer, with accompanying lines by Dr Poo

From out of the big, grown-up, far-flung reaches of the cosmos where everything is scary, and into the cubbyhouse of human existence comes Dr Poo!
With his incredible intellect and ridiculously tight pants, he hurtles through the Infinite Corridors of Time and Space in his terrific travelling time toilet, the TURDIS!
Accompanied by his beautiful but stupid assistant, Dana Sock, and his lovably sadistic sidekick, Denis the Denim Cat, Dr Poo strives to gain universal wisdom, peace, and um, er, um, something else… now what was it, I had it a moment ago, now,
Hey! Hang on! Hey hold off, I haven’t finished! Hold on! Hey, there’s one more thing! Hey! Stop that! Oh! Aah!

The universe is big
(Don’t be misled, though)
The universe is big
(It’s not in your head, no)
The universe is big
(cos Dr Poo said so)
The universe is big

Dr Poo is a Wonderful Guy
This song is sung by Dr Poo, with accompanying lines by an unnamed chorus

The universe is in a bit of a spot, you know
With wars and strife and monsters going boo
And everywhere I fly
I hear the people cry
We need you, come and save us Dr Poo

Well yes of course I’ll save you if I can
I mean I am a cosmic hero after all
And your gratitude’s well meant
But it doesn’t pay the rent
So have your cheque books ready when I call
(So have your cheque books ready when he calls)

Let’s all join appendages ‘cross the universe
And stand in line today
Let’s all give out with a rousing cry
That Dr Poo is a wonderful guy
And shout hip-hip hooray
Let’s all give out with a rousing cry
That Dr Poo is a wonderful guy
And shout hip-hip hooray

I zoom through every galaxy and nebula
Dunnies above, what stories I could tell
And everywhere I go
The creatures shout hello
I’d much prefer if they gave me money as well
(He’d much prefer if you gave him money as well)

Cat on a Hot Tin Riff
This song is sung by Denis the Denim Cat, with accompanying lines by Kevin

(Hey, c’mon Denis, let’s get into it, man!) Meow meow!
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow

Meow!
Meow meow!
Meow, meow
Meow!
Purr, Meow!
Meow!
Meow! Meow!
Meow!
Meow meow meow!
Meow
Meow, meow, meow!
Meow!
Meow!
(Take it Denis!) Meow!
Meow
Meow!
Meow!
Meow!
Meow, Meow, Meow!
Meow!
Meow!
Meow
Meow, Meow
Meow, Meow Meow Meow!
Meow Meow Meow!
Meow!
Meow!
Meow!
Meow!
Meow! Meow! Meow Meow Meow
Meow Meow Meow Meow
Meow!
Meow!
Meow!
Meow Meow, Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow
Meow Meow Meow Meow, Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow
Meow!
Meow
Meow Meow Meow Meow

Dana’s Theme – People Say I’m Stupid
This song is sung by Dana Sock, with accompanying lines by an unnamed chorus

[Lyrics in Spanish]
I say to lovers everywhere
Which means in love you get a free go
If you land on the right square

People say I’m stupid
(She’s stupid, she’s stupid)
People say I’m dumb
(Hey dum dum, hey dum dum)
But I believe in Cupid
(In cupid, the little fat guy)
Cos he shot me in my bum
(Her bum-bum, her bum)
No, not bum, I meant heart!

(And they call her Dana!)
And I’m searching for love
No not like an iguana
More like a little turtle dove

My love is always out of reach
(He’s out of reach, he’s out of reach)
My love can seem so far away
(Where is he, where is he?)
Will he find me on the beach
(On the beach [instinct])
On some public holiday
(like Christmas, or New Year, or Easter, or Anzac Day, or Australia Day, or Labor Day, or the Queen’s Birthday)
Alright, alright, that’s enough!

(And they call her Dana!)
And I’m grasping at love
No not like an iguana
More like a rubber glove

[Various exclamations in Spanish]

Oh one day I know I’ll find him
(She’ll find him, she’ll find him)
And my heart will do a leap
(And a cartwheel, and a backflip, hey!)
My [indistinct] will blind him
(She’ll poke him in the eye and blind him)
And he will go to sleep
(Like we have)
Wake up!

(And they call her Dana!)
And I’m searching for love
I don’t want that darn iguana
I want the stars above

And they call me Dana!
I’m still searching for love
I don’t want that darn iguana
I want the stars above

The Universe is Big
This song is sung by Kevin, with accompany lines by Dr Poo, Dana, Denis, and various unnamed characters

Let me tell you people
Something you may not know
The universe is big, oh yeah, people
But it doesn’t always show

And it does no good now to shut your eyes
Pretending it will go away
Because it’s got nowhere else to go
The universe is here to stay
Let me hear you say

The universe is big
(DR POO: There’s no way round it, you know)
The universe is big
(DANA: And it’s full of outer space!)
The universe is big
(DR POO: And it goes in all directions)
The universe is big

(DANA: If all the fleas in the world were wildebeests and all the wildebeests were whales and so on, you get the idea, there’s no way that they’d outweigh the universe on the universal scales!)
(DR POO: But look, it’s silly to make comparisons, especially nonsensical ones like that, they really don’t matter at all)
So shut your gob and accept the fact that the universe is not small!
And that ain’t all…

The universe is big
(DANA: It’s the biggest thing there is!)
The universe is big
(DENIS: Meow!)
(DR POO: Yes Denis, it really is a whopper!)
The universe is big
(DANA: And it’s damn good value!)
The universe is big

What is the point of your existences?
I mean you might as well all go back to bed
If you don’t realise the immense profundities contained within this song
Come on and open up your head

Don’t you know the universe is lonely too
Try and put yourself in its shoes
Get up and ask it for a dance, you’ve got nothing to lose
So why sing the blues?

The universe is big
(DANA: And very friendly!)
The universe is big
(DR POO: And in its own way it’s really quite attractive)
The universe is big
(DANA: It’s just gone a bit shy)
The universe is big

The universe is big
(DANA: It’s bigger than Orson Welles!)
The universe is big
(DR POO: I wouldn’t like to bump into it on a dark night!)
The universe is big
(DANA: It’s everywhere!)
The universe is big
(POSH MAN 1: Bloody enormous!)
(POSH MAN 2: Yeah, it’s a fair size!)
(POSH MAN 1: Oh, I reckon)

The universe is big
(SCIENTIST: And, you know, everything’s expanding!)
The universe is big
The universe is big
(MADMAN: Today, the universe, tomorrow, the world!)
The universe is big
(DANA: Doesn’t it make you feel small?)
(DENIS: Meow!)
(DANA: You are small, Denis!)
(DENIS: Meow!)

The universe is big
The universe is big
(OCKER MAN 1: Ah, yes. Have a load of this over here)
(OCKER MAN 2: Oh my god!)
The universe is big
(ROCK SINGER: Alright!)
[DRUNK MEN vocalising]
The universe is big
[OPERA SINGER vocalising]

The universe is big
(COPPER: Hey Sarge, what do we do about the universe?)
(SARGE: Book it, mate, book it)
The universe is big
(COPPER: Hey, hey universe!)
[Policemen grapple with Universe]
The universe is big