Players
Samantha Bond (Mrs Wormwood); Porsha Lawrence-Mavour (Kelsey); Jamie Davis (Davey); Rungano Nyoni (Secretary); Philip North (Technician); John Leeson (Voice of K.9); Alexander Armstrong (Mr Smith); Sydney White (Bubbleshock Girl); Olivia Hall (TV Reporter); Konnie Huq, Gethin Jones (Themselves)
NOT South Croydon
Sarah, and now Maria, lives on Bannerman Road in Ealing, West London (ok, it’s not THAT far from South Croydon). Sarah lives at number 13. Maria and her dad are at number 12. Maria spies on Sarah at 2:37am. Sarah and the girls seem to arrive at the factory a few minutes after 5 pm. This series is set AT LEAST 18 months after School Reunion (so sometime in 2008-2009). Seems to be set Summerish (at the start it’s 6pm and broad daylight).
K9 Says…
The estate agent’s board outside Maria’s house contains a URL with an illegal character (www.archer&lewis.co.uk) and a fake area code (0207 946) – the same one, incidentally, seen in Rose (0207 946000).
Blink and You’d Miss It
The opening sequence harks back to the opening shot of Earth in Rose, The Christmas Invasion, New Earth and The Runaway Bride. Sarah Jane seems to be chatting to a member of the race seen in the Torchwood episode Greeks Bearing Gifts. Kelsey tries to call a “Suki” at one point, who shares the same silly name with a character from The Long Game. Artron energy was first mentioned in The Deadly Assassin and later in Four to Doomsday as the power source the Time Lords use to travel in time. There is a framed edition of “The Metropolitan” on the wall in Sarah’s office (the paper she used to work for) She also has a couple of photographs of K9 and the Brigadier (as well as a nice shot of her with K9 Mk III and Jasper!) and a handsome picture of Harry Sullivan. She has diagrams of older style Daleks, and what appears to be a couple of medieval drawings of the TARDIS in the night sky. Amongst the clutter, she has a printout of a website article on flying saucers that includes a ridiculous amount of misplaced speech-marks. She has an old trailer registration (539 83M, registered in 1973/4). Maria’s dad still wears his wedding band.
Generation Gap
Kelsey informs Maria that she’ll be “dead in school if you haven’t got music channels” and worships Holy Oaks, uhm, Hollyoaks (1995-date). Luke is apparently only 6 hours old! Kelsey is worried about the carbohydrates in beans on toast (Sarah’s so old she probably wouldn’t know what beans are, let alone carbs).
Things That Embarrass Us
The “we did it” happy dance. If anyone videoed that Maria is gonna be so DEAD in school. Maria’s mum in general, but particularly when she talks about her new boyfriend chasing her round the bedroom asking her to “drink it” – how kinky! She apparently told him to “get off”.
Classified/Top Secret
While in the attic, Sarah mentions that there are organizations that “go in all guns blazing” when ali—EDITED BY THE TORCHOOD ARCHIVE!!
Mode of Transport
Sarah drives a pale aqua Nissan Figaro, registration number J590 WAX. The kids take the free Bubble Shock! bus, which has a registration of HNB 24N. (This really belongs to Greater Manchester Transport 105 built in 1975. It is now owned by the SELNEC Preservation Society who loaned it to BBC Wales complete with driver over 3 weekends while the filming took place.) And, presumably, Mrs Jackson got a ride in the back of the removal men’s lorry.
The Sarah Jane Utility Belt
Sonic Lipstick! Wow, I want one of these!! I wonder what setting gives you that all night shine? But her sonic lipstick is as useless as the Doctor’s screwdriver against a deadlock seal. Sarah also has a wrist watch (a very stylish one, we might add) thingamajig that pops open to… recognize alien life forms. Very handy in her line of, uhm , work. Whatever the hell that weird insecticide (or is that octipicide) that Sarah uses on Davey. Sarah keeps her primary weapon – K9 stored safely within a black hole inside a safe in her wall (huh?). Oh, she has this thing called Mr Smith (and her watch seems to be linked to him), but he’s just a deus ex machina, so the less said the better.
Eldrad Must Live (and everybody else must die)
Davey is the only death seen in the episode. He is eaten by Mrs Wormwood, but then it’s OK because he’s a muffin. Mrs Wormwood and the other Bane are probably offed in the factory explosion at the end (but you gotta wonder what happened to all those dozens of Bane workers that had disappeared before the final confrontation).
Guys Kelsey Things Are Fit
Oh, this could take forever, let’s just say 50% of the people on this planet and leave it at that! (Oh, and apparently one of your editors thinks Konnie Huq is quite fit as well!)
Sarah Jane’s Got the Coolest Duds
Sarah’s stripy dress and matching fuscia sweater are kickin’. Maybe even better than her trademark Andy Pandy outfit. But, it has to be asked, why does she need buttons on both sides of the top?
“And He Goes… And She Goes…”
“I saw amazing things out there in space, but there’s strangeness to be found wherever you turn. Life on Earth can be an adventure, too. You just need to know where to look” – Sarah
“Mum, stop fancying the removal men!” – Maria
“What if you see something that you know can’t be happening, only it is happening, only you know it can’t be?” – Maria
“Bubble Shock! Revitalizes your taste buds, and gives you energy morning, noon and night. Only Bubble Shock! Contains Bane… etc…” – Davey (said with all the enthusiasm of a 354th take)
“That people are hungry Miss Smith. New food; new drinks; new tastes. All the western world does is eat. All day; every day – eating. They gorge, and feast and chew, and bite. Everything sweet and hot and cold and sticky, food and drink. Just food and drink. That’s the Human race – they devour!” – Mrs Wormwood
“I’m going to turn off my image translator. Try not to scream.” – Mrs Wormwood
“I NEVER scream.” – Kelsey
“AAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!” – Kelsey
“Aliens are falling to Earth all the time. It’s not just those stories you hear on the news – all sorts of creatures. Some have got lost – like the one you saw me sending home last night – some of them crash land and some of them want to invade. You still believe me?” – Sarah
“Yes.” – Maria
“Really? How come?” – Sarah
“Because you’re bonkers, but I don’t think you’re a liar.” – Maria
Things That Don’t Make Sense (even to a six-year old)
Why does the telly only EVER show Bubble Shock! adverts. Come on, where are all the cool mobile phone adverts. And where did the Bane get the money from for all these adverts? Why is no one else on the street awoken by the strange lights coming from Sarah’s yard that first night? Are all the workers at the factory Bane? Why does Mrs Wormwood give Sarah tea during their interview? Why wouldn’t she just have offered her Bubble Shock! straight away? Why does the Archetype just repeat Maria’s words if he’s already learnt English prior to his ‘birth’? Mrs Wormwood and Lesley appear to be the only Bane in a female disguise, so why are there coveralls hanging in the ladies room? Why does Mrs Wormwood wait until they’re almost sure Sarah has escaped before ordering the gates sealed? Why would a nice girl like Maria ever hang out with a total chav like Kelsey? I mean, really? Why does Davey return to human form when he’s attacked? Would a girl like Kelsey really say “Oh my flippin’ heck?” Why does K9 refer to Kelsey as the “small female” when she is clearly the largest female in the room! Although it’s cool to link the black hole effect from The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit in with this series, it still makes it a totally inaccurate depiction of what a black hole would really look like. And, how does K9 avoid being sucked in as he’s clearly within the Event Horizon? Is it really feasible that a bus (with very little momentum as there was little room to get a head start) could break through a concrete wall so easily? And, without a single scratch on the windshield, too – amazing! The Archetype quickly types in a string of numbers, taken from Mr Smith’s successful attempt to hack the Bane computers, into an alien device that not only is unlikely to follow our decimal system but also undoubtedly has a different frequency than our mobile phones… and yet it angers the Bane mother in just the way phones do. Uhm, why, exactly, does the factory blow up?
Snafus
Maria’s expression changes between shots as she walks away from the house for the Bubble Shock! bus. As Sarah makes a mad dash to get through the closing gates at the Bubble Shock! factory, the gates in the long shots are, in fact, standing still! Somehow there is a car parts franchise called Cardiff Auto Parts operating in London, right next to a Penarth Sports. Mrs Wormwood mentions that the slave control is activated around the world, but earlier Davey mentioned that Bubble Shock! was only shipped as far as the British borders.
Also Known As
Samantha Bond is, like, really old and did a couple episodes of Inspector Morse way back in 1991 and 1992; oh, and in 2003 did this cool Canterbury Tales thing on BBC1. She was also awesome in some of those James Bond (no relation!) films with that Pierce Brosnan guy (all four of them, made years ago between 1995 and 2002). Now if she’d only do one with that yummy new Daniel Craig guy… he’s over-buff.
Jamie Davis was in that old series that our Nan watches, Heartbeat (1993 and 2003), a couple of times, but he was looking well more lush when he starred in Footballers Wives (2004-5).
Rungano Nyoni is really lazy and hasn’t done any other actin’.
Konnie Huq and Gethin Jones present some kiddies show, but Gethin was also in Rise of the Cybermen/Age of Steel with my mate, Rose Tyler.
Script Editing
OK, wouldn’t it have been cool, if you know K9 had shot his laser at Kelsey from inside the black hole? OK, maybe not to kill her, but just stun her till she was like 30. Come on, I know you all agree with me. Maybe she gets run over by the Bubble Shock! bus before the series starts. Like, five or six times! Yeah!! Ahhhhhh, Kelsey – the Adric of the 21st Century.
Photographic Proof
