Players
Martyn Ellis (Blakeman); Ian Midlane (Jeffrey); Pamela Merrick (Wendy); Imogen Bain (Janice); Anton Thompson McCormick (Carl); Lachele Carl (American Newsreader); Jimmy Vee (Carl Slitheen); Paul Kasey (Jeffrey/Blakeman/Janice Slitheen).
NOT South Croydon
Maria and her dad have been decorating since she helped save the world from the Bane. Don’t know if we agree with her choice of hot pink for her bedroom though.
K9 Says…
The Slitheen have been forced out by the Juddon, a Rhino-like intergalactic police force that encountered the Doctor Master only recently.
–Smith and Jones
Blink and You’d Miss It
If the headmaster is to be believed, well-known chef Jamie Oliver is responsible for much of the farting in Great Britain. Sarah Jane appears to be running a good old fashioned PC, but she has it skinned really weird. Sarah Jane comments that finding something mysterious inside a school would be a bit ridiculous, knowing full well that she has found alien creatures at the Deffry Vale school. While reading up on the Slitheen family, Sarah remembers something that chav, Rose Tyler, once mentioned about Downing Street (Aliens of London/World War Three). On the brick wall covering Mr Smith there is a drawing of Police Box and an old edition of the Metropolitan with the headline “Uncovered: Secret Organisation”. AMNN is the same American news programme seen several times in the Doctor Who series. And, always with the same bland newsreader. Clyde mentions the ultra-pop Disney film High School Musical that catapulted singing in cafeterias to new heights of cool in 2006.
Generation Gap
Sarah Jane says she doesn’t want Luke to call her mum when she so clearly does. Sarah is rude to Clyde when he first enters the attic. Like, really rude. Maria is happy her mum is cursed. We are too.
Things That Embarrass Us
Maria’s dad brushes his teeth outside. Whilst the other kids might laugh, we think it’s sweet that Sarah drives Luke to school and kisses him before his first day. Not that we’d ever want our mum to do that. OK, maybe if our mum was Sarah Jane. Chrissie, you know, Maria’s mum, still gives us the willies. Oh, and she’s a right bitch, too, can’t even get Sarah Jane’s name right. Sally Ann indeed. Slitheen should never skip! CGI sonic lipstick.
Sally Ann was the companion to the imposter Doctor Master in the Big Finish play The One Doctor. Suzie Q, Susie Q or Suzy Q has at various times been a dance step, several songs, a film and a snack cake in the US.
Gold Star for Mathematical Excellence
Mr Jeffrey awards Luke with a Gold star for coming up with the equation that will allow them to suck the Earth dry. Oh, no gold star for Carl.
Classified/Top Secret
Sarah calls in her friends at UNIT to clean up the Coldfire buildings around the world. And, sends her love to the Brig. Mr Smith is somehow able to insert a cover story about the temporary reversal of the Earth’s magnetic pulse into news stories around the globe.
Mode of Transport
Sarah Jane’s still driving her little Fiagro (see Snafus), which she uses to drive Luke to his first day of school, and later to make a daring escape from the Slitheen. But, you have to admit, it must have been a bit cramped with four of them squeezed in there. Maybe Maria sat on Clyde’s lap! The Slitheen teleport, and Maria’s dad takes his bike.
K9 Says…
The Mistress’s car number plate number is J337 KAE, registered sometime between Aug ’91 and July ’92.
The Sarah Jane Utility Belt
Mr Smith and Sarah’s alien-detecting watchy-thingy (which seems to have a magical screen that, whilst tiny, can fit “Raxacoricophallapatrious” on it) both are affected by the power cuts. But then, so is the Sun. Mr Smith has files on the alien creature that Sarah helped return home (in Invasion of the Bane; the same race seen in the Torchwood episode Greeks Bearing Gifts), the Bane, and what appear to be the demon Abadoon (also from Torchwood) and the Beast (from The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit).
Eldrad Must Live (and everybody else must die)
Tim Jeffrey dies less than three minutes into the first episode. But at least he gets a good scream in first. Blakeman, Janice and Tim Slitheen all go to pieces in the end.
Guys Kelsey Things Are Fit
It’s a good thing Kelsey seems to have moved, otherwise we fear she’d be all over new muffin Clyde. Maybe she was the delicate type and couldn’t handle fighting aliens.
Sarah Jane’s Got the Coolest Duds
We wouldn’t recommend any of this stuff.
K9 Says…
Raxacoricofallapatorians have the best nostrils in the Galaxy. Officially.
“And He Goes… And She Goes…”
“Goodbye, mum” – Luke
“Oh, I don’t think so. No, Sarah Jane, that’s just fine.” – Sarah Jane
“Goodbye, repellent pubescents, until tomorrow” – Headmaster Blakeman (gosh, he’s cheery)
“These kids stink. Acne, and grease, and coats, and crisps, but he smells… fresh.” – Mr Jeffrey, explaining his strange attraction to our young Luke Smith
“No Mr Smith, no sonic lipstick, no plan B. But we are the only people in the world who can stop this. And we will. Time to go back to school.” – Sarah Jane
“I told you, we’re going to stop them.” – Sarah Jane
“What? The four of us, with vinegar and plastic squeezies.” – Clyde
“So where is he now, this Doctor?” – Clyde
“Still out there. Still wandering. Still wonderful. And he left me behind, with his legacy I suppose. To help and to protect. To make a stand, and to never give up.”– Sarah Jane
“He sounds cool.” – Clyde
“And He Smells… And She Smells…”
Sarah and Clyde use their perfume and deodorant, respectively, to fight the Slitheen. In Clyde’s case, the ultra-cool Wolverine Pure Masculine Action brand.
Things That Don’t Make Sense (even to a six-year old)
Kistmagtheclutavinday (Tim) Slitheen doesn’t think Mr Jeffrey is “that big”, but when standing next to Blakeman it’s obvious he’s even plumper than the Headmaster. The Ealing Echo still only costs 15p. Perhaps they save money by not printing the dates on their newspapers. Tim Slitheen seems a bit dim. He doesn’t even know how to synchronise mega-wattage. Does Maria’s dad have a job? He’s done some IT work before (Nerd!) but now just seems to nancy around in his garden all day. The Slitheen have been constructing buildings all over the world and no one’s thought to look at this blank room with no doors before Sarah Jane – maybe the Human race deserves to snuff it. How did the child Slitheen fit in the much taller Carl’s body? Why do Clyde and Maria only have water in their squeezies when they enter the secret room? Maria’s was still over half full after killing Gloonfaxfise Chelavier Slam Slitheen. With four people watching, how is it that none of them notice Carl Slitheen teleporting away before Kistmagtheclutavinday is blown up.
K9 Says…
Mega-wattage has been referred to before by Miss Elizabeth Shaw, a former friend of the Doctor Master. This was during the first incursion with the Earth Reptiles at Wenley Moor.
–Doctor Who and the Silurians
Snafus
Sarah Jane’s car is the same, but the plate number has changed. It was J590 WAX in Invasion of the Bane, but now is J337 KAE. At least the “J” (indicating the year the car was manufactured) has remained the same. Alan tries to light two candles before Chrissie grabs the matches from him, but when the power comes back up, Chrissie’s candle stays lit, and then three other candles flare up. Mr Smith pulls up a world map to plot the locations of the Coldfire buildings BEFORE Sarah Jane even asks him to. Mr Jeffrey never gives Luke a plan of the capacitors yet he later has one in the attic. One of the news captions on AMNN has a missing space (“Power failure has now jumped thePacific Ocean…”). Somehow Clyde and Maria have got clean uniforms on by the time they get back to Bannerman Road. When Chrissy’s talking to Maria on the couch at the end, her words don’t match up with her lips. Could be a good thing in her case.
How Many Slitheen Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?
Boy, this Slitheen family is a bit thick. They immediately believe Luke when he says that he got his sums wrong and switch the capacitor off. If that’s not dumb enough, then the brain dead Raxacoricofallapatorians somehow think he’ll fix it for them. What a bunch of goons.
Also Known As
Martyn Ellis was last spotted in The Bill (2004) but before that we saw him in Happy Families (1989) and The Lifeboat (1994) – he was also in the second Agent Cody Banks film (2004) but we’re too grown up to bother with that stuff.
Ian Midlane showed up in Doctors (2005) and The Bill (2004-5) while Pamela Merrick was in Tenko (1981), Eastenders (1981) and Casting Off (1988).
The guys behind the rubber suits this week (Jimmy Vee and Paul Kasey) have both done loads of Doctor Who (2005-7)
Reviews
Some nine months after the transmission of the rather edifying pilot of The Sarah Jane Adventures, finally the series proper has arrived. The first of five two-part stories, Revenge of the Slitheen is an adventure more in the vein that I had been expecting of the series – Invasion of the Bane had proved itself surprisingly mature and well put together, more than a match for the big-hitter editions of ‘Doctor Who and Torchwood aired around the same time. Unfortunately, Revenge of the Slitheen does not reach those heights, for me at least – though I am well aware that I’m a little older than the target audience…
I’ve always had a lot of time for children’s television that doesn’t patronise its audience, such as Press Gang, Children of the Stones, Moondial and The Changes. I’d readily stick Invasion of the Bane in that category too, but Gareth Roberts’ season opener falls somewhat short of this description. The story is a runaround that relies heavily on poorly judged humour and an element popular with children from the 2005 series of Doctor Who – The Slitheen. Now, I’ve kind of got used to the idea of these no-hopers from Raxacoricofallapatorius, but I can’t say they are one of the best new monsters created for Doctor Who. They’re kind of one-note (a long wet one) and don’t really have much going for them – and yet they’re now on their third appearance in two and a half years. Overkill? Maybe not, but they’re very predictable.
Fortunately, Elisabeth Sladen as Sarah Jane and the supporting cast who appear as her team of derring-doing youngsters are able to rise above the desperately unsubtle and unfunny goings on in Slitheen HQ (humour played as per panto never appeals to me), with new kid on the block Clyde proving a positive addition to the line-up. However, the writers don’t seem to be able to resist depicting yet another child character that is the product of a broken home. After The Empty Child and Fear Her in Doctor Who and now similar backgrounds in SJA for Maria and Clyde, you’d think that no child in the UK came from a stable background. With each new instance of this phenomenon, it feels more and more like a definite agenda from the writing team.
All told, a disappointing opener to the series, predictable and mildly patronising to its intended audience. The second story previewed at the end of episode 2 on CBBC looks markedly more appetising. Let’s hope it delivers where the series opener failed to do, in my opinion at least.
–Alan Hayes
Photographic Proof
