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TME > Video > Commercial Releases

Doctor Loo and the Phaleks

In January 2005, adult DVD distributor Doll Theatre announced the release of Fundaland Films Ltd's Doctor Who spoof "Doctor Loo and the Phaleks", releasing eighteen short clips onto its website to promote the film (although eight of these were actually from other films).

Two versions were released: the first was an 18 certified version running to 66m4s (passed by the BBFC on 4/10/2004, with 36 seconds of cuts made). This appeared on several mainstream websites and shops. Amazon displayed an alternate cover describing it as "Dr. Loo and the Filthy Phaleks" (however any attempts to order it resulted in indefinite delays), and although Play had the standard cover, they quickly pulled the release (although it would reappear, present and correct, later in the year).

The second was an R18 version, only available through licensed sex shops, but running to 168m28s (passed by the BBFC on 15/9/2004, with 3m24s of cuts requested - as R18 is the highest certification available in the UK, these cuts were mandatory under the Obscene Publications Act 1959, which penalises against views of urolgania). To differentiate the two, this was originally entitled "Doctor Loo and the Filthy Fucking Phaleks", although eventually this too was named "Doctor Loo and the Phaleks" (the onscreen title was just "Doctor Loo", in any case), although the disc artwork displayed the "Fucking" title version.

Both versions appear to have officially been released on Jan 31st 2005, although with initial distribution problems, this is hard to verify.

The film was written and directed by Gorgeous Gee, produced by Desperate Dee, and stars UK porn legend Alicia Rhodes (along with Donna Marie, Mason and McKenzie Lee) as a character (very) loosely based on our favourite Timelord - the "Loo" is short for Louise, and her character displays worrying tendencies towards a William Hartnell characterisation. The film ends with a promise that Doctor Loo will return in "Doctor Loo in Cider Space" (where she'll face the dreaded Cider Men).

Cast in order of appearance:
Lee Henshaw, McKenzie Lee (Quimberly Dickmore), Mason, Alicia Rhodes (Dr Loo), Karla Romana (Kay-Nine), Donna Marie (Lady Sodomi), Steve Hooper (Minge The Merciless)

Directed by Gorgeous Gee; Produced by Desperate Dee; Executive Producer El Tel; Camera By Stan the Man, Matt the Hat; TURDIS by Phantasy Phil; Best Boy: Jamie Bee; Make-Up: Janie Nash; Stunt Co-Ordinator, Stunt Performance by Gary Arthurs; Phalek Operation by Julia Bombshell; Stills by David H, James and Steve; Authoring by Kev and Dan; Dr Loo Theme by James and Steve, Courtesy of Pornogram Records; The Ladies Wardrobe by Sirens of Paris; Special thanks to Jamie Brooks; Walpole Agency; Filmed entirely at Rectory House Studio in Kent and on location in SE England; Copyright Doll Theatre 2004; www.dolltheatre.com


DVD releases

All UK, by Britflix, c 31st Jan 2005
18 version - FUNDISC085 (regular version left, Amazon version centre)
R18 version - DTD082

DVD Bonus features

Hooper's Bloopers (9'23")
Outtakes collection
The Doctor's Dirty Photo Album (6'13")
94 colour photographs, with the theme tune running incessantly over.
Turdis Trailers (16'03")
Trailers for seven films: Alice in Fundaland, Space Girls, Dr Loo, Space Girls 2, The Great British Minge Binge, Dirty Toy Story and Donna Marie's Mighty Messy Monster Minge Binge (the last of which seems to include footage from Dr Loo).

Abducted by The Daleks

In November 2005, pornographic 'Who' hit the headlines again, as the BBC discovered a copy of DVD 'Abducted by the Daleks' (hastily Photoshopped to read 'Abducted by the Daloids') available for sale on Ebay.

Produced as a limited-to-1,000 edition this was an American release lasting 55'00" (with an alternate 35'52" also presented as 'The Other Version' on the disc) which reportedly took five years to make.

The film featured a number of convincing replica Daleks and soundbites from the original series, and brought upon themselves the wrath of not only the BBC and the fans (one Colin Brown told UK tabloid 'The Sun' "Itís outrageous to think of them touching up naked women ó Daleks just donít behave like that.") but also the Terry Nation estate, who were quoted as saying "They werenít ever intended to be sexual creatures. Itís simple, Daleks do not do porn."

They clearly hadn't seen Katy Manning's work in the late 70s then.

The disc featured a reversible sleeve, with two equally garish options on either side, and the "story" centred around some women who, for no readily apparent reason, take a detour whilst driving to a club to walk through some woods where the mysterious Serial Skinner is rumoured to hide - they take their clothes off, and then get kidnapped by some Daleks who make them touch each other.

Truly TRULY terrible.

A Stella International Presentation
A Herschell Z. Goldstein Production
Katarzyna Zelnik: Sylvia
Eliza Borecka: Isabella
Sonya Karina: Barbara
Linda Black: Anna
Maria Vaslova: Anna (2)
With special guest appearance by Baron Trenk: The Police Detective
Peter Dawn: 2nd Police man
Lenny Delmore: The Serial skinner
Terry Bartlet: The Hunter
Connal Rose, Pedro Robinns, Andrew Witsend: Daleks
Directed by Don Skaro
Edited by Frank Oats
Produced by Patrick Baker
Story by Billy Hartnell
Screenplay: David Stanley
Gaffer: Aussie Pete
First Grip: Pavel Hunter
Beer & wine: drunk by the crew
Lighting: The Lighting Crew
Space ship set design: Lex Krane
Woodland scene: R.H.B.
Effects: Smoke and lights
Props and Daleks: Props Int.
Special Effects: Design International
Pyro effects: Detonation Films
Dalek Voices by Roy Briggs
Music by Pink Floyd (Lucifer Sam, Interstellar Overdrive, Pow R Toc H), Black Sabbath (War Pigs), 101 Strings (Climb Every Mountain)
Plus excerpts from Godzilla, Outer limits and The Mole People

Release code: ABTD1

DVD Bonus features

Trailer (1'56")
A collection of clips from the film.
Other Trailers (2'05")
A longer trailer for the same film.

On the cover, a behind the scenes feature and a promo music video are mentioned (and on one cover only, a stills gallery) - none of these actually appear.

Doctor Screw

Throughout 2006, the UK's Adult Channel, a leading provider of soft pornography entertainment, teamed up with Allure Adult Entertainment to produce a series of short scifi/sex adventures based loosely on Doctor Who and written by Paul Carder & Craig Kennedy. Throughout the show, Doctor Screw, who has a penchant for using the word "fantastic" at inappropriately orgasmic moments, takes his companion Holly through time to have threesomes with historical figures.

Episode 1: Holly (18'19")
Doctor Screw and The Mistress are battling each other in space, and crash down to Earth. He takes over the body of rock star B Nasty, who meets reporter Holly Heath. They go back to her place, he modifies her vibrator into a sonic dildo, and they have sex. Meanwhile, The Mistress takes over the body of a scary looking lady in a car park, who gets herself a couple of henchmen.

Episode 2: Medieval Muff (21'00")
Doctor Screw introduces Holly to the Turdis, his time-travelling Portaloo. At her choice, they travel back to the year 1145. Doctor Screw rescues a damsel in distress from being attacked by two knights. And then introduces her to the sonic dildo. And has sex with her.

Episode 3: Holly's Mum (20'55")
The Doctor drops Holly back off in 2006 so he can go and meet her swinging mother in 1969. And have sex with her.

Doctor Screw: Mark Sloan [Editor's note: NOT the professional wrestler nor the fictional character portrayed by Dick van Dyke]
Holly: Elle Brook
The Mistress: Frankie
(The credits are the same in every episode, missing out the guest cast and including The Mistress in Episode 2 despite her non-appearance]

DVD releases

All releases by Showbox, certificate 18
25/09/2006 - Volume 1 [Episodes 1-3]
29/01/2007 - Volume 2 [Episodes 4-7]
12/03/2007 - Volume 3 [Episodes 8-11]

DVD Bonus features

Photo Gallery
12 colour photographs.
Trailer (1'10")
A collection of clips.
Also Available
12 trailers for other Adult Channel DVDs.

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